candlesticks

so, recently... as in five days ago... i finally finished les miserables. and i must say, i don't think i honestly knew what a good story was until the point i picked up that book. i cried... er-- wept my eyes out... for a good twenty minutes after i closed the back cover.

friends, if you do not read this masterpiece before you die... you might not have ever been truly living.

so, after i stopped sobbing, cleaned up the streaks of mascara off my face and officially thanked my lucky stars that i was NOT in a public place when i finished this book, i started feeling an all-too-common emotion... similar to losing a close friend. you see, after weeks and weeks of toting around this book, taking it with me to coffee shops, falling asleep night after night with it perched on my knees, sneaking away with it on lunch breaks, and taking little peeks into its pages any chance i could... it sort of became (for those who have never felt this emotion, please disregard the borderline creepishness of this and take note that i DO have a social life) a companion and friend.

sometimes, i half expected to meet jean valjean on the street, giving him my sincere apology for the tragedies in his life, congratulating him on his successes, twirling around little cosette, and telling them how much i look forward to getting to know them better.

and as i place this lovely piece of literature back on the shelf, i DO look forward to the moment my son or daughter plucks it out of my home library (because you KNOW this is going to happen), and flips through the same pages that gave me so much joy.

ok ok ok, i get it. a bit much, right? just read it already! ...and thank me later :)

- me -

you know those days...

where you just feel so stifled? like there's this aliveness inside you, bubbling through your veins, and trying to poke its wings out... but you, you have to be the one to close the cage and lock it tight with your back against the door, or else it would shake itself loose and you would just end up running really fast... towards no particular direction at all?

where you just want FREEDOM

today has definitely been one of those days. more like.... this YEAR has been one of those YEARS. the last thing i want to see in front of me is a metal mesh cup full of highlighters and sharpies, a pile of post-its with to-do lists, a desk phone that neverrrrr stops blinking and men in stiff business suits and ties...

[someone please rescuuuuuue me!!!]

i'm all too often tempted to push these images over... convinced they are made of cardboard and are utterly and completely fake ...and this was all a [very] cruel joke.

..like the last thing you want to be doing with your life is what you ARE doing with your life?

the realization that dawned in mid-woe was this: i was not made for this.

seriously. i was not created to sit behind a desk, answer phones, typetypetypetyppeee for 8hrs a day... 40 hrs a week... 2080hrs a year (that's a total of 86.67 ENTIRE DAYS a year) to make a livinggg so i can survivvvve!!

ok. maybe i'm being a little dramatic....???

but in all REALITY i was made to live in a garden. vibrant and eternal. to know and be known. untainted by sin and brokenness. fully alive. never seeing death. where people saw and walked with God, unashamed of their nakedness.

it's the longing for eden. it's what my heart aches for.

novemburrrrr.

it. is. freezing. outside.

ok. i understand my texas blood doesn't give my words much weight

on the issue of winter weather...

but

today was a "can't get warm on your 30-min drive to work"

kind of day. and although i ADORE all the cute

scarves&mittens&boots&hats

i haaaaate missouri winters.

last year, my drives to work were spent 90% in tears.

so, you can imagine my enthusiasm.

....

i did get to spend last weekend in lawrence, ks.

and stumbled upon THIS little gem:

a bookstore called "the dusty bookshelf."

looooved it!!! there was even a little cat running around,

snoozing on all the open shelves and comfy chairs :)

p.s. i fly home in TWENTY SIX days.

i was going to try & express my excitement in words....

but after six failed attempts at even coming within 50 miles of how i truly feel...

i decided the news was good enough.

surprisingly moisturizing... with vitamin e.

after learning a co-worker within a 6-foot radius of me does, in fact, NOT wash his hands after using the restroom... THIS little guy has been chilling on my desk, ridding me of any germy worries. moral of the story: choose not to wash? be prepared to make the "people-you-wouldnt-wanna-touch-with-a-10-ft-pole" list stapled in the breakroom. juss sayin'.

c.s. lewis necklace

i know it's not the best quality picture.

i apologize! my "real" camera is M.I.A.! yikes :(

i'll take more pics once i can convince camantha to come out of hiding.

in my excitement, i just wanted to get this on my blog asap!

so, i embarked on a little arts&crafts journey last night...

and after an hour of sheer mayhem ... i emerged with THIS :)

i cut out two pieces of "Mere Christianity" and glued them to this metal pendant (front and back).

i know it sounds like borderline sacrilege, but with two extra copies of this little gem lying around, i see it more as an honor to my hero.

it has another little antique charm and the letter "e" that looks like an old typewriter key.

the chain is roughly 3ft long (about 1.5 ft from the back of your neck to the pendant)

overall, i LOVE it and am wearing it today.

my goal is to put it on etsy once i get better pics. i can, of course, do this with ANY piece of literature (besides any in my own personal library... i dont think i'll be chopping up my only copy of crime & punishment!) AND with any letter. for the moment, i only have Mere Christianity available for use on this pendant. i sold many of my extra copies during my move :( BUT i am a frequent half price book-er and will, soon enough, have a variety to choose from. but who doesnt want a little Clivey with them during the day??

and i promise. MORE & BETTER pics to come.

this was made for me.

crime and punishment.
the brothers karamazov.
anna karenina.

a few of my favorite books.

all of russian authorship

all authors... dead.

conclusion? i want this buttonnnnnn.

i wont wear it around. i promise.

it's a castle... it's a mansion...

it's my schooool :)
took this walking to class last night.
she's a beaut isnt she??
pretty sure a fair-haired princess lives in that top room...
spinning threads of golden yarn...
as the birds help her get ready in the morning...
and the forest creatures bring her breakfast...
ok. i'm done. it's an awesome building! the end! :)

"real knowledge...

...is to know the extent of one's ignorance."







this is the building my humanities class is in.

it's so adorable... and inside i learn how much i have yet to learn.

one day

i want my little girl to love reading.

and her room to look like this.

minus that creepy wolf-like creature on the shelf.

there is a paper monster behind me

growling and rustling...

and i'm too scared to turn around.

i should be trying to attack it with some sort of filing system.

or at least a giant paperclip.

but i would rather do something non-work related.

so i'll write about it.

i started volunteering at a local bookstore.

because one day i will own one of my own.

and i need some know-how.

when that day comes,

you are ALL invited to come and sit in a comfy little corner by the window,

and read the day away...

while i bring you little baked goodies and tea.

until then, i'll stay here.
it's messy. and dusty. and messy.
and the owner walks around with no shoes on...
and tie dye shirts he made himself.

also, i am starting school soon.

very soon.

five days away soon.

and i am so excited.

i love to learn.

pretty much everything and anything.

within reason, of course :)

two more years and i will have a fancy piece of paper with my name on it.

once upon an internship

so, i was looking through VERY old documents and came across this little gem. i remember writing this when i was an intern in 2006. i thought i'd share. i know it's nothing NEW and UPDATED, but i think you'll still enjoy it. and please overlook and forgive the hideous cliches.


:: john eight ::

I sat in the midst of burning eyes. So many people. They all listened to the beating of my terrified heart. I could not lift my gaze to meet the stares, especially His. It was as if He saw everything, knew everything. My appearance confessed it all. Dark hair hung over my face covered in tear stains and shame. Dirty, tattered rags hung loosely around me. A rough hand gripped my arm with the same hard jolt that tore me from the darkness. He led me to the One who had been teaching these hungry hearts. I had heard of this man, His words, His miracles, His claims. Son of God. King of the Jews. I felt His eyes break into the deepest corners of my filthy soul. It was as if I had known Him since first breath.

One of them behind me came forward. He had witnessed my capturing. He hissed between his teeth, “Teacher, this woman was caught in adultery, in the very act.” The words pierced my entire being. I bit my lip. Blood. The taste of fear flooded my mouth. Whispers rose from the sea of people. Waves of rumors and judgment echoed. Tears poured, washing the dirt from my face. I watched one fall onto holy ground.

“Now Moses in the law, commanded us that such should be stoned,” the voice aimed at the One before me, “but what do You say?” The ocean was still. Every eye rested on this man, and my life in His hands. My gaze fell hard on rough stones between white knuckles. Their grip tightened. I imagined the pain, the breaking, the death. Mercy. Have mercy. He said nothing. No one dared to speak nor I to breathe. We followed His every movement as he stooped to the ground. Exhale.

With his finger, he started to write so carelessly in the dirt. Aleph. What was He doing? The ocean grew restless. Vav. My eyes followed every stroke. Zayin. Lists grew. “Teacher, please answer us.” “Teacher, the Torah…” Kaf. Waves roared. “This woman is to be stoned!” Daled. He stood.

Silence.

“He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw at her.” That voice ripped through me. Again, he stooped and, with the same finger, wrote again. What were they to do? They were men. Sinful, hearts heavy with rags just as filthy as mine.

One stone dropped behind me. The silence was broken. I looked to him as He continued writing. Another dropped beside me. Another, then another. The sound of freedom. Soon, only cold, hard stones surrounded me.

He rose. “Woman, where are they? Did no one condemn you?” His words poured over me. I lifted my eyes to His for the first time. I saw life.

With a shaky voice, I replied, “No one Lord.”

“I do not condemn you either. Go. From now on sin no more.”

I dropped to His feet and wept. Speechless I remained until those few left picked me up and led me away. Alive. Breathing. New.

I stood around the corner, listening to His words as He turned to the crowds.

“I am the Light of the world; he who follows Me will not walk in the darkness, but will have the light of life.”

I will follow. I will follow.

Deep cried out to deep in whispers, “Your holiness is what gets me, leaves me breathless, motionless. Pure, blameless, unstained, unspotted by the dirt of this world. Holy. I dare not place myself next to you. Rags. Filthy, torn, stained and worthless rags…at the very least. I should not try and excuse them. I should not try and wash them myself. Instead, I shall see Your garments and how they need no excuse, and I shall desire the feeling of holiness on my shoulders, covering my entire being. Yes. I desire your garments, dripping white. Beautiful they are.”

within the last 48 hours i have threatened to trade the hyundai for a clydesdale at least three times. i figure hay is less expensive than gas, two tire patches, failed inspections and the personal pepperoni pizza needed to calm my nerves as i waited an hour for yet another flat to be fixed. let me clarify, the car is great. the people paid to fix my car... not so great.

on a happier note, i had a great birthday! the first celebrations were kicked off on saturday with a road trip to the omaha zoo. WOW what a day! flowers, breakfast, zoo time, ice cream and a super classy dinner :) stellar zoo, by the way. i highly recommend a visit. THEN, my kc friends pulled out their boots, hats and... gun holsters for a Texas-themed party, followed by a night of line dancing. i neglected to take pictures of the latter... to spare you the eyesore.

for all you teen maniacs, i retook the myers-briggs test yesterday and came out ISFJ instead of my previous INFJ. not too sure what the difference is, but with a similar personality being mother theresa, i wont reject it! here's the free link.

check THESE out!! i'd love to try :)

and the best for last, i got a free icecream sandwich today. "you need to talk to who??? sorry, i will be out of commission until this small orchestra in my mouth stops playing."

familiar faces & compostable bags

This weekend was probably one of the best I’ve had in a while. Who doesn’t love bare-footed friends huddled on a blanket in the park eating teddy grahams and chips from an obnoxiously loud compostable bag? And where else will I find a group of twenty year olds roasting a veggie medley over a bonfire? Somewhere between spicy guacamole and sticky smores I thought to myself… ‘I have the greatest friends in the world. ’ And then I was shaken from serenity when a certain Courtney Gorman nearly set someone on fire.

In other news, my car shopping situation is still stuck in a ridiculous and seemingly endless catch-22 and spiraling south. No… further than Texas… it’s more like a block away from the pit of Hades. If anyone happens to happen upon a lump sum of around $6k, hook a sistuh up. Good news? I did give away the blue ribbon for the “Rudest and Most Tactless Car Salesman of the Century” award last night. In the midst of yet another jaw-dropping insult, I drew a mental blueprint and contemplated folding his business card into an airplane and flying it between his eyes.

Lastly, Tim will be out of town this E N T I R E weekend. Feel free to entertain me. Small unicyclists in onesies juggling monkeys eating flaming bananas usually does the trick. No pun intended.

hear ye, hear ye!

well here it is. an outlet for me to post more than 140 characters of my random thoughts. as abigail adams once said, "my bursting heart must find vent at my pen!" err... in this case, on a macbook keyboard.

so lately, i've been voraciously reading up on our nations incredible history, which i believe has led to a sort of... hm... how shall i put this most adequately... sick, vomitous, nauseating feeling of utter terror and disbelief... as i turn on the news or radio. i'm pretty sure a few white wigs are rolling in their graves. now in no way am i going to amass a giant army of revolutionists in the name of liberty... but let's just say i'm contemplating a "sailin' with palin" tat. no big deal.

also, i've spent an embarrasing amount of time AT WORK today here.

in other news, i bought a skirt yesterday. a pink one. with pockets. very spring-y of me i know. and i wore it today to drop mother nature a subtle hint. and today was JEAN day. so she better realize the sacrifice and stop being so moody.