Hello! :)
I am choosing to share this story for the simple fact that I
have many beloved friends and family members scattered many miles apart and the
chance of me being able to converse with everyone face-to-face is an
impossibility. Also, I think sometimes, a picture of a sonogram and a piece of
fruit just doesn’t cut it. I usually frown upon social media sites being used
as a platform for sharing deeply personal information, but I think I can
tactfully make an exception, this once.
Nearly fourteen weeks along, I have experienced every emotion
imaginable (some more than others), and have probably had the longest, roughest,
most trying three months of my life. But I’ll spare you those details. I’ve
astonishingly even lost friends over this issue, because my life doesn’t fit
into the mold of “ideal circumstances” for things such as this. You know, like,
marriage, house in the suburbs, or a plan. All of those things would be welcome
in this situation, but it’s not my reality. A few people have asked me if I
considered abortion, because it would be “so much easier and convenient.” I
feel sick just typing that. I’ve also been asked how ashamed I was going to be
to have to tell people, because I’m single, and the father isn’t a part of my
life anymore. I have to admit that feelings of shame and regret are something I
still deal with, but not shame of the little life inside me, but only because
of the circumstances that it was brought to life. My personal favorite is, “Oh
no! What are you going to do?!” I’m not a doctor or anything, but I think I’m
going to get really big and then have a baby.
I’ve honestly had enough negative comments to last me the
remaining six months.
But this is my reality: I truly and honestly believe that He
gives life and makes no mistakes. He orchestrates all of creation at all times and
is perfectly in control, regardless of whether I wake up feeling completely overwhelmed
and incapable or not. What has so often been referred to as my “mistake” and
“irresponsibility” is truly a gift, and I will treat it that way.
I was able to have my first ultrasound a few weeks ago,
and it was the single most greatest thing I’ve ever experienced in my life… and
the most terrifying. Hopefully some of you can relate. I mean, there is a
PERSON inside of me. I was truly speechless as I listened to the heartbeat and
the nurse pointing out all its tiny little features. That was the moment that
everything became real. I wasn’t just puking every morning for nothing (the
struggle is real, y’all). Side note: It’s unnerving to think that something so small has complete control over my entire being. I can’t even look at
a steak without getting all gaggy. If you know me, you understand the severity
of my situation.
With that said, I hope you can join in this exciting time,
as well as put up with all the upcoming preggo pics… because that’s definitely
happening (you’re welcome).
So… say hi to Baby Bean (endearing food-nicknames open to
suggestion)… due May 2nd, 2014!!!!
