I spent the better part of today sorting through my daughter's tiny clothes, most of which are now TOO tiny for her. She's growing ridiculously fast and I don't have sufficient time to really let anything sink in. Packing away all of her newborn clothes was pretty emotional for me, and at this point in motherhood, I don't even try to hold back tears anymore. Anything can set me off, really. I'm pretty sure I shed a tear at work the other day because I found one of her socks in the bottom of my purse.
She's officially three months old and just when I think I can't possibly love her more than I already do, she learns something new, smiles when I walk into the room, laughs when I tickle her, and my heart explodes.
I am convinced that her birth, even though in the midst of difficult and trying circumstances, was SO timely in my own life, and definitely the Lord hedging me in, slaying and healing my heart all at once. Lately, I have been earnestly praying for a solid, secure, true, deep, rich and unshakable foundation, with an identity rooted in Him. I'm definitely a black-and-white, "bullet-point" kind of person, so grasping how to practically integrate this into my life isn't easy for me. I think the basic, deepest level that is imperative to have is the knowledge that Jesus loves me, unconditionally, fiercely, jealously... and to believe it. This season is me scratching everything and starting over. Learning to trust and love and enjoy and receive and walk again.
So as I sat there, sorting her clothes, I came across a few dresses that she won't be able to wear for at least a year. I looked at them and tried to imagine her in them, walking and talking by then, wondering what she will be like, look like, and I thought about how grown up she will be and how absolutely BEAUTIFUL she will be wearing them.
And then there it was. That voice of truth that comes to you, from outside yourself and so far beyond anything you could conjure up on your own:
"I feel the same about you. But those dresses are your dreams, your purpose, your talents, your love for Me, your future, your righteousness. I don't have to wonder. I can see it. And it is beautiful on you."
I am not a theologian or bible scholar by any stretch of the imagination, and I know that Jesus loves us the same, always, unconditionally. But some part of me thinks that there is something that erupts in His own heart the moment we choose Him, choose to love, and choose to walk out our purpose.
I am a broken, limited, sinful human, but my heart overflows with love for my daughter, with depths I have yet to discover, for another limited human.
But Jesus.
How He must be overcome when we put on this love, and it fits. Look how she chooses Me, or how he loves Me, how they trust Me, it is BEAUTIFUL on them!
God that we would love You more.
"Let us rejoice and be glad and give the glory to Him, for the marriage of the Lamb has come and His bride has made herself ready. It was given to her to clothe herself in fine linen, bright and clean; for the fine linen is the righteous acts of the saints." - Revelation 19:8
